Sunday, April 3, 2011

100.5º a new transparency

That is the temp target for the emergency room- and the temp I had on Wednesday morning- by the time the nurse returned our call at 1AM the temp had gone down to 100.4 so we didn't tell her it reached the emergency threshold because we knew it would cause more problems and sure enough with in half an hour it had settled at 99.8. It is weird how quickly it moves around and how bad a few points of degree can make you feel. Still I think the worst is behind and the predominate experience for now is a simple tiredness.

Since Wed., the temps still come and go bouncing around from 100.4 - 99.8 to 100.1, and then normal most of the day. Only seems to come out at night- So the nurses said, I spoke to two over the several days, that this is the trough of the therapy and is expected —this is the worst of the side effects but it also means the drugs are doing their thing. My hair is shedding by the hand full, tho I clipped it down to 1 inch this means I'm shedding like a short haired dog in June. Still a long way to bald, but by the trough of the second round, I expect to look very alien-like. I just made a drawing a loose interpretation of myself not so much what I really look like more a feeling portrait. The transparency is key- I feel very transparent.

Reading several books concurrently- one on cancer, one on qi-gong, one on dharma, one entitled, Science and the Akashic Field, An Integral Theory of Everything. By Ervin Laszlo. Akasha another sanskrit word means ether radiation and brilliance. In Indian philosophy was considered the first and most fundamental of the five elements making up the entire universe. For reference:
The Akashic Field Integral Theory of Everything
Also, you can listen to him speak with this link below on how he preposes things relate together——a very sweet voiced person- enjoyable. copy paste this text and the mp3 ought to show up it's on the wiki-site  as well. Ervin Laszlo MP3 audio - Science and the Akashic Field: An Integral Theory of Everything from The Great Rethinking: Oxford, sponsored by The Prophets Conference
"Communicate beyond the range of eye and ear... In the laboratory also, modern people display a capacity for spontaneous transference of impressions and images, especially when they are emotionally close to each other... transpersonal contact includes the ability to transmit thoughts and images, and ... it is given to many if not all people... this is the finding of recent experiments... Reliable evidence is becoming available that the conscious mind of one person can produce repeatable and measurable effects on the body of another... [also] Intercessory prayer and spiritual healing, together with other mind- and intention-based experiments and practices, yield impressive evidence regarding the effectiveness of telepathic and telesomatic information- and energy-transmission. The pertinent practices produce real and measurable effects on people, and they are more and more widespread. But mainstream science has no explanation for them.
What I like most about his words are the thoughts that science is finally or seems finally to be cycling around to embrace the immeasurability of immeasurability- how something like meditative states can set the condition for receiving new in-formation - and new potential creation-ship. Nothing ever being lost - holographic existence means we  will disappear as individuals, but the traces of our consciousness can and will inform the future- this is interestingly compared to 'prayer'. A mystical/scientific medium that is descriptive of something dynamically shifting impermanent, again, a description of being with a capital B. So, I'm interested in the phenomena of myself as I come closer to a transparent self- the curtain lifting up- after all what good is having cancer if not to investigate the greater insight of myself.  Lucid dreaming, yogic and transcendental mysteries form, stars, diatom, energy cellular truths, the body the body the body of matter, this body- yours mine- the gross dross level of being- coming and going- breathing in breathing out breath bodies of breath pure potential chords like waves potential for creating meaning out of chaos. Understanding chaos of cancer like maybe the body can be thought of like an orchestra, (cancer) maybe a few major chords being played out on instruments slightly out of tune- the C-cells themselves operating on frequencies out of rhythm, out of sync. Sour notes. Chemo - a kind of tuning and re-tuning. Anyway stellar and cellular investigation continuing to intrigue me and carry through this re-tuning imagine the sound of a great MAJOR C.

I pray each of you are peacefully happy- enjoying the stars the snow, the sun, new greening outside your window- the touch of light on your cheek, that light that has traveled across the universe just to land specifically there, and when the light touches us it like the connection you enjoy on your computer to mine- our interconnectedness is a blessing we could never have dreamed of a few years ago, but which we must have imagined in our deepest dreams! I dream of a chinese box opening an inside is an envelope of a little child which opens up and there is laughter- really and the lucid dream voice announces "This is sweet"… bless each and all for your interest in my words, my plight, my rambles and thank you for the love coming through the and across the Akashic Field.

1 comment:

Kathleen said...

In the interconnectedness of things, this week has been uncommonly peaceful, a time to heal. So, while I'm reading your blog, I think we've shared a sweet dream.