girls- get your mammies checked out

if the shoe fits- and Mine doeslink to news-worthy breast cancer report

even tho 14 nodes were exhumed last week, and only one positive the fact C had traveled to any node at all is significant-
90% of cases in the study and which mirror my statistics (not necessarily my C) had a 5+ year survival rate-
humm?


5 years- enough time to do ANYTHING at all, and the rest is groovy-


Two night ago I had this dream-


[a monk in maroon robe and short black hair is sitting on the steps below the lotus thrones of the celestial buddhas. The monk seems to have been in quiet conversation with the buddhas kind of a business-like meeting quality to the scene- The monk says: " Oh and i wanted you to be sure to know that Elizabeth Lahey has been going through a trying time." The Celestial Buddhas answer: "Oh Yes, she is right here on our list!! ]

hot • sharp • fire • searing • icy • fire • sting • stab

Warning this post is of a "delicate" nature and squeamish friends are invited to skip it——in case any one thinks I might be 'taking this lying down' i assure all I'm all the way up and at 'em!
(Image courtesy of my BFF from kindergarten DAF.]
4:00PM--Today--  Dr. Kolpec the thirty something surgeon says: "This is like having an eye brow or bikini wax, it's not as bad as you think but definitely not the happiest part of your day-1. 2. 3". She RIPS with two hands entwined around the dual .25 inch hose/tubes sticking out of my side through two small stitched incisions! It felt like I'd had a tooth the size of a horse chestnut wrenched out by the roots [deep earthy curmudgeon-like] for all of 8.5 seconds, the dentistry images instantly replaced with a sensation rather similar to a flaming match being thrown onto a spot of BBQ lighter that had accidentally soaked into your tee-shirt, melting there for just long enough to….
YIKES!!!- and Yes!! was most definitely one of the most intense experiences yet…[almost automatically I begin listing out loud all the words that I could find to describe the intense sensations directly: hot • deep • fire • searing • ice • sharp • hot • dull • achy • fire • scald • sharp • acid • tingle • cooler • dull • softer • warm • cold • softer………• strong •…… pressure • ebbing • quiet • soft The naming acted to divert the mind from the unnamed four-letter word that rhymes with 'chain'.
Unbelievable RELIEF  — it's over  —   the tubes are out! & I no longer feel like a misplaced David Lynch character moping around the backlot of a creature feature flick
NOTHING ABOUT THIS CANCER IS AVERAGE, TYPICAL OR SIMPLE.


It turns out the pathology report shows invasive tumors in several places in the lymphatic system of the breast- Still nothing outside the duct or the lymph system - also not out into the fleshing tumor producing areas, AND only .6 cc of cancer matter found in one single node, AND in typical cases, this cancer would not have been in the node at all the deterioration of the breast - or rather the advancement of the cancer doesn't typically correspond to having masses in the nodes- - not expected at all So while a grade 2 invasive diagnosis, Dr. Kolpec said, "It is barely a 2, and your prognosis is really really good!" She says in efforts to making me feel better or is it herself she is comforting?-humm?
- So good news because MARGINS were ALL clear-Means No To Radiation- well, so they say - however-reality and since both my maternal aunts died of brain cancer, a maternal cousin's 6 year old son died of optical nerve cancer and my maternal uncle lives with a liver tumor. I'm definitely opting for chemo. Oh yeah another plus, turns out i have 100% perfectly optimal estrogen receptor cells which will fit exactly the tamaxofin which will certainly be prescribed for the next 5 years or so-  Uh, bikini wax my ASS !!  #@$^+@#~%¶§∞¢£‘œ     ≠ |

Diatoms galaxies and nerve end/beginnings

Diatom: CYSTELLI

It may seem strange I should direct your mind to diatoms and supernovas - cosmic dust- but this is EXACTLY what I was reminded of when I saw the magnetic-resonance images of my breast LACED with CANCER ( i hope I can get hold of those images to share later!!) - CANCER- the constellation of the moon, or crab nebulae; its own animal body looking like a spoked web of carcinoma— there is much to connect- to understand!

… near the same morning as my MRI, where radiant prisms and harmonic pitches took me out beyond the tube into a kind of orchestral rock light show- I heard an interview on Fresh Air with Brian May- I don't believe in accidental convergences- we create the world we live in every nano-second- might as well be an interesting one- not that we "create" phenomena like some narcissist's breakfast - more like our ability or inability being the only limit of what is possible before us- I wonder, if so, can I make it a wide open view-a view of cancer than includes diatoms and star nurseries- YES I CAN SIR!

Synchronicity is perhaps nothing more than quiet perception—seeing a multi-layered view of my experiences as a grand collaboration with DUST! What pattern, what beauty. I see the stardust falling on our earth sinking alive as diatom as particle cancer within the human-genenome , the cracks of space between all atoms surely big enough for a little stardust to fall through. Everyone knows right? The diatom- smallest creatures in the sea- feed the largest ones, and the whale resonates- magnetic resonating images to come!

nasa_supernova_pia11435star 2

Brian May Lead guitarist of British Rock band: QUEEN-

- On His Physics Dissertation"It's a study of dust. As simple as that. Dust, in this case, in the solar system. We're actually surrounded by it. The earth moves through a cloud of dust constantly and a lot of it comes down to Earth. My experiment was trying to figure out the motion of that dust. Where it's going, what it's doing, where it came from and what it means in terms of the creation of the solar system."

www.npr.org/2010/08/03/128935865/queens-brian-may-rocks-out-to-physics-photography

Joni Mitchell: "We are stardust, billion year old carbon…caught in a devil's bargain, and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden…"

saying goodbye—tuesday morning 2

Maitreya with breast

proof positives & body

Thought I would prove with a few images I made it through the surgery.

We huddled into my tiny cabinet of a studio to record a post op family foto op. I hope you can see what good spirits abound. -not in small measure to all the love that continues to pour into our home via email, phone calls, food delivery and prayers…continued gratefulness to all.

• my left arm pit is completely numb- like when you get a big shot of Novocaine but your lip never thaws out- this creates a strangely disassociative and un balancing over arch of wonder and worry-'will I ever feel my arm again?'- 'is blood flowing there?', and other uglier thoughts I don't need to share.
• I feel pretty good, but after an hour or two of conversation I want to nap for three and do so- obviously I am learning to adjust to new energy levels- patience and boredom and then writing some, eating VERY well- thanks to Magpie and dear Heather! Who knew the silver lining would taste gourmet?
• first formal meditation practice on Thursday- found it easy to practice shamatha (calm-abiding), even in the surgery prep suite and then in recovery- awareness of breath always possible as long as there is awareness, meditation — interesting because the meditative states have no body boundaries that have changed in any way, tho deeper insights offer preview for much greater capacity only because of this body experience-

snow • falling • falling • snow

bless every heart for every breath of concern, calls, comfort, and caring; food, cleaning touches and thought waves - it is not incidental nor insignificant and all gestures deeply most deeply felt and welcomed- thank you

I'll give the update here and then take a few days as needed to stay secluded just to heal and absorb- know i will try to reach each all of you over the next few weeks.

they found invasive cancer in one lymph node= took 13 out none other except the sentinel lobe affected - only 3% of invasive breast cancer is the type I have- http://breastcancer.about.com/od/types/p/mucinous_ca.htm

leave it to me to have a snotty little cancer! ha-

if now be the winter of my discontent it must be that a spring of discontent can't be far away. spring of discontent looks like 3 months of chemo-therapy, followed by daily radiation for another 4-6 weeks.

Justice Invocation of Maat

Great Mother of the Sun
Descend into the arms of the earth
Winged Goddess of balance
Come unto me who cry out to you
For justice and truth and strength
Help me find Balance in the world!
I call upon you to help balance the energies
In my life
I call upon you to bring the truth
Into all I do and say and feel
I call upon you to give me strength
To persevere on all levels in healing myself
On all levels
In organizing, in uniting
And in bringing a halt to all destruction!
I invoke
The black free-standing feather of Maat
The crystal star gleaming within
The outpouring of interstellar energies
Flowing and snaking through the earth
Filling every living thing
With the will toward harmony
And balance.
I invoke the point of equilibrium
The force of momentum,
Gravity and electron-spin resonance
Filling us with the song
Of balance.
I invoke the law of the universe
The innate justice
That governs all things
May I channel this energy in my work
May I be a conduit of the black flame of justice
And the silence of truth-in-action
Many we I unified with all living beings
Through the breath of Maat
And may her heart-beat fill my ears
As the sound of a singing healed life!
O Maat!
Mother of infinity
Goddess who guides the sun
The planets
And all the ever-moving stars
Guide me now in my our hour of need!
Great Cosmic mother
May it be so.

Tua Maati!
We invoke the black haired Goddess
Who balances the souls of all beings
Who, weighed with the heart,
Reveals all things.
May I enter the chamber of truth
And stand before the great power of justice
Maat, crowned with the feather
Reveal yourself in all your manifestations
We call forth the center of truth and justice
From within and without
We name this power Maat
And we manifest it here and now
As knowledge, will and action
Through the strength and energy of our arms
May the balance of Maat
Be done!
Through the clarity of our minds and loins
May the balance of Maat
Be done!
Through the black flame of justice in my heart
May the balance of Maat
Be done!
Tua Maati!

LIFT and SEPARATE Surgery at 2-4 pm- details

Leaving at 11:30 this morning to begin this amazing ride! Lifted by so much LOVE just sending it out and out and all around- Thank you each for being with me and F, X, and A.

I'll be posting again soon-

Lifting and Separating a whole new meaning!

embraces to all- e