Tuesday, February 8, 2011

hot • sharp • fire • searing • icy • fire • sting • stab

Warning this post is of a "delicate" nature and squeamish friends are invited to skip it——in case any one thinks I might be 'taking this lying down' i assure all I'm all the way up and at 'em!
(Image courtesy of my BFF from kindergarten DAF.]
4:00PM--Today--  Dr. Kolpec the thirty something surgeon says: "This is like having an eye brow or bikini wax, it's not as bad as you think but definitely not the happiest part of your day-1. 2. 3". She RIPS with two hands entwined around the dual .25 inch hose/tubes sticking out of my side through two small stitched incisions! It felt like I'd had a tooth the size of a horse chestnut wrenched out by the roots [deep earthy curmudgeon-like] for all of 8.5 seconds, the dentistry images instantly replaced with a sensation rather similar to a flaming match being thrown onto a spot of BBQ lighter that had accidentally soaked into your tee-shirt, melting there for just long enough to….
YIKES!!!- and Yes!! was most definitely one of the most intense experiences yet…[almost automatically I begin listing out loud all the words that I could find to describe the intense sensations directly: hot • deep • fire • searing • ice • sharp • hot • dull • achy • fire • scald • sharp • acid • tingle • cooler • dull • softer • warm • cold • softer………• strong •…… pressure • ebbing • quiet • soft The naming acted to divert the mind from the unnamed four-letter word that rhymes with 'chain'.
Unbelievable RELIEF  — it's over  —   the tubes are out! & I no longer feel like a misplaced David Lynch character moping around the backlot of a creature feature flick
NOTHING ABOUT THIS CANCER IS AVERAGE, TYPICAL OR SIMPLE.


It turns out the pathology report shows invasive tumors in several places in the lymphatic system of the breast- Still nothing outside the duct or the lymph system - also not out into the fleshing tumor producing areas, AND only .6 cc of cancer matter found in one single node, AND in typical cases, this cancer would not have been in the node at all the deterioration of the breast - or rather the advancement of the cancer doesn't typically correspond to having masses in the nodes- - not expected at all So while a grade 2 invasive diagnosis, Dr. Kolpec said, "It is barely a 2, and your prognosis is really really good!" She says in efforts to making me feel better or is it herself she is comforting?-humm?
- So good news because MARGINS were ALL clear-Means No To Radiation- well, so they say - however-reality and since both my maternal aunts died of brain cancer, a maternal cousin's 6 year old son died of optical nerve cancer and my maternal uncle lives with a liver tumor. I'm definitely opting for chemo. Oh yeah another plus, turns out i have 100% perfectly optimal estrogen receptor cells which will fit exactly the tamaxofin which will certainly be prescribed for the next 5 years or so-  Uh, bikini wax my ASS !!  #@$^+@#~%¶§∞¢£‘œ     ≠ |

5 comments:

Kathleen said...

-Watched a movie last week, in which a surgeon becomes a patient, a patient with laryngeal cancer. Once he wades through all the absolute shit he has his students gown up, bend over, and take the tests they will someday order for other people.

Your young surgeon definitely needs a reality check, like, say, a hat pin to the thigh. Then we can talk about what kind of day we're having.

Kathleen said...

Oh, and I have a hat pin, if you'd like to borrow it.

elizabeth said...

Really, no hat pins necessary- I don't blame the surgeon for my surgery or cancer, I don't blame any one for any of it- not even the tubes- I simply think bikini waxes are not all created equal!
:)))

1stearhrc said...

i think this pix here of catwoman is über-classy, i must say! begs the question: when is a mousetrap like a bikini wax? ha ha, hang in there lizzy!

Elizabeth said...

thanks D über classy indeed