Saturday, February 19, 2011

Strong Medicine

Face it I have a lot of time on my hands these days- taking everything I do very slowly- I have a tremendous opportunity  to do  alot of navel gazing- and while I'm on the mend- posts like this one will manifest-
No apologies-
I am seeing startling stats that would indicate - i will have friends and family who will sadly have to go through some of the same experiences I'm currently going through-
Assuming - (we will agree with the stats for the purpose of this post- today anyway)-
I want what ever I'm going through to be of some sort of benefit for any one of you to whom this may one day apply- [Isn't it always happening to someone else?- For me, It was always happening to someone else before my own positive mammogram]
I will try and list all and any helpful information I run across- thankfully i have many many friends- who are sending me resources, and materials on multiple levels of healing and as I synthesize these and apply them- i will undoubtably share- Let me be your guinea pig-  your white mouse, your torch in the cave-

  • If i had had my first mammogram 3 years ago when i was 50- Maybe if i'd thought - i'll have a screening for my golden birthday present? Maybe I would really only have had DCIS-0 and there would be no chemo-I know this is 20-20 hindsite- but really if you are putting it off- and "know" you should go in- (I did for at least 5 years)- Then PLEASE do us all a favor and get it done- ounce of prevention or pound of 'cure' ?? Up to you!

The Buddha was a really crafty guy- he wasn't sure how he would be able to lead others through the necessary path to the great illumination that he had experienced- He thought: "This can't be taught"- -  He was ready to just enjoy his enlightenment- but he looked back over his shoulder and saw the needlessness of the suffering  because of "not-seeing"- Out of this overwhelming compassion for the sake of others- he devised the concept of going about it, (the teaching) like a DOCTOR  prescribing medicine!! How cool is this symbol as it relates to the condition I find myself- and seriously,  that I find us ALL in? way cool!
My teacher told a second hand story which has helped me a great deal -
A zen master was asked: "What is suffering/Pain?- He replied- Sensation + Aversion.
The body doesn't feel "pain" - it feels sensations-The body has no way to judge the sensations- but even on a rudimentary level- it seeks wholeness  (integrity) and wants to avoid dis-integration. The mind feels pain-  which is like sensation + aversion-The mind senses through the body the same sensational impulses- but it judges - like dislike- Investigating strange phantom and squiggly shooting tremors and stinging tissue throbs if I can look at these out the corner of my mind/body's eyes They are often intriguing- when I'm tired I watch the mind apply regret- like" Oh I might never be able to _________fill in the blank again because my arm is ________fill in the blank- I feel sudden unpleasant experience that I don't want to have (aversion) this experience.  Pain instantly appears as my primary focus-  almost instantly I'm suffering- (a mixture of emotional pulling, and sorrow, and regret- self-pity) Safety- the breath also arises the consciousness of breathing - today's dharma message in the book on the mantle: Who am I- that thinks I am carrying around this body?

I have been absorbing- that perhaps 'I' am not this body, mind, cancer-experience. For the moment let's say: What if I accept that this body belongs to (let's call  god for the purpose of this paragraph), this body is god manifesting god awareness- this mind also god-awareness manifesting itself, then wouldn't it  follow cancer also god manifesting god consciousness? Everyone is out racing around for a cure- The Buddha prescribed about 80,000 during his life time. Cancer as "other"? Other than what?— now that,… is a really interesting ?

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